Young Woman: I’ve learned to hate you in the last ten years!

Older Man: I never meant to hurt you.

YW: I was a child. I was in love. It was wrong and you knew it!

OM: You knew what you were doing.

YW: Now I do. This is my place. Get out!

OM: I did what I did, you don’t have to be happy about it.

YW (crying): Do you know what you did to me? To my life??

Yikes! Sound familiar? The above conversation is not from the Harvey Weinstein rape trial, or a recollection by one of the late Jeffrey Epstein’s Lolitas.

If you’re my age, you may recognize it as the actual onscreen dialogue between Indiana Jones and Marion Ravenwood when he first walks into her Nepalese gin joint in Steven Spielberg’s 1981 movie, Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Back in those days, no one seemed to mind the idea that our beloved hero had seduced an underage “child” and then, ten years later, blamed her and told her she was asking for it.

According to a transcript of a Raiders story meeting, Spielberg, the movie’s producer George Lucas, and screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan actually discussed making Marion just 11 years old when her “affair” with Indy occurred.

Times really have changed for the better! As proof, let’s check in with America’s favorite director, Steven Spielberg.

Huh, what’s this? Last week his youngest daughter Mikaela “came out” as a porn star, and is now uploading homemade porn videos to the Internet for fans who are, she says, “mostly older white men.” She’s now waiting for her government license (!) to become a registered Sex Worker.

She’s also engaged to a 47-year-old professional dart player.

What would Dr. Freud say?

Mikaela, in the same New York Post article, paints a less than idyllic portrait of life as one of the seven Spielberg children. She suffered from years of alcohol abuse and eating disorders. Worst of all, she claims she was “groomed and abused for years” at the hands of someone “not in the family.”

Good news for Mr. Spielberg: The King of Kid Movies did not molest his kid!

Bad news for Mr. Spielberg: The King of Kid Movies raised a kid who makes sex movies for old men just like him!

E.T., phone cops?

No Child’s Behind Left Behind

So who was this predator? Just throw a rock in Brentwood or Santa Monica. Bill Cosby did live across the street from the Spielberg’s Pacific Palisades estate, so Xenu only knows who it could have been. When you grow up around celebrities, your compound is constantly filled with lackeys and other celebrities. She posted a photo on Instagram of her as a little girl literally running away from Bill Clinton. I mean, the story writes itself. When you’re a celebrity child, there is no barrier between you and the narcissists who populate that wicked world. And with mom spending all her time down the street at the 24,000 square foot equestrian center your dad built just for her, it’s likely plenty of people had all the access to you they could ever dream of.

Miss Spielberg’s woeful trajectory is so familiar it is as if it was preordained. Mikaela, who is African-American, was adopted as a baby just a few years after Spielberg founded DreamWorks. DreamWorks, as we all remember, was the glorious culmination of Spielberg’s box office magic, which he planned to spin into a monolith of mainstream family fantasy.

Of course, DreamWorks is mostly known now for littering the cultural landscape with ear-splitting eye poison like Shrek and Madagascar.

No Happy Endings

Children acquired through a misbegotten combination of Westside Los Angeles virtue signaling and racial justice utopian ideals and then packed off to a team of nannies and boarding schools while mom and dad are on location CREATING FANTASY FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT–you really couldn’t write it.

It seems no matter how rich, how utterly privileged your childhood, I fear there is no escape from the preschool-to-PornHub pipeline for the traumatized young women of America.

Some may ask why a child of such wealth and privilege, raised by the world’s most famous children’s entertainer, chooses to perform sex acts on camera for depraved perverts.

To them I say, are you kidding? She finally made it in showbiz!

Don’t worry, Steve, your little girl is just doing her DreamWork™.