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Feature 08.24.2021 5 minutes

Woke Fragility

Get moving!

The weak leading the weak.

America’s back! Yes, America’s back is all the world saw when we fled Afghanistan, bumbling and stumbling Benny Hill-style from the fearsome goat herders we fought for two decades. My anger on behalf of the families who lost magnificent sons and husbands and fathers is too sharp and deep to discuss here, so I won’t.

That was a real Empire Has No Clothes moment. But if you think the withdrawal was bad, just imagine how much worse it would have been with domestic terrorists hiding in the ranks! Luckily the Defense Department spent the entire first half of 2021 re-educating its forces on the systemic racism and white supremacy lurking in every crevice.

It spent two full months last spring forcing every single member of the military to “stand down” so it could “root out extremists.” Army ghost hunters chased phantoms while inadvertently purging the few remaining intact males still able to fill out a pair of pants.

That son of a bitch Osama escaped into the caves in Tora Bora, but the sons of deplorables would be captured.

All of this was sold as strength, of course. Diversity is our greatest strength! they bleated, for decades. What the current wobbly Regime hopes to convince you of now is that their glaring weakness is our second-greatest strength.

But that dream just went splat on a tarmac in Kabul.

The Art of the Kneel

Some of you may have endured a civilian “stand down” of your own at work or school in the last year. These mandatory bias training sessions, as you probably know, are based on a trashy fantasy novel called White Fragility. This illiterate manifesto became a must-pretend-to-read after Floydapalooza 2020.

Written by a manic new age Wiccan who gives off major crazy ex-girlfriend vibes, White Fragility makes the case that any time a white person defends him or herself from hoax accusations of racism, that is a sign of fragility; self-defense as proof of weakness and guilt. White people are so fragile! So easily broken! Pale and icy cold, they crumble at the slightest pushback, like the pathetic snowflakes they are!

But then you keep reading, and you discover White Fragility actually makes a pretty strong case that whites are the opposite of fragile. In fact, they are so powerful, so strong, so superior to other lesser beings that the only way anyone else can get a chance is if more whites volunteer to be weaker.

In the face of such totalizing white dominance—or supremacy, if you will—all the weak can do is beg the whites to take a knee, step aside, apologize for and mute their own wondrous superpowers that no one has yet made a dent in, for centuries!

Therefore, after you complete your mandatory 50 hours of CRT anti-whiteness bias training this year, do not feel cowed, defeated, or ashamed—no! Instead, you should luxuriate in the godlike nature of your omnipotence. It’s not just okay to be white—it’s friggin’ awesome. Robin D’Angelo, high priestess of White Fragility, said so, over and over again.

Or…may I offer this alternative to the above: decades of wokeness has made the woke people fragile. But now the age-old paradox: what came first, the wokeness, or the fragility? Are weak people more inclined to embrace the left? Or does the Left weaken otherwise normal people? Perhaps this is the answer.

“White fragility” is meant to be a diagnosis, but it’s plain old wishful thinking.

Quitting is Winning

Looking back, there were signs of frightening weakness everywhere, not just in our bias sessions and in the White House, but even in our most impressive cultural icons.

Last month in a silent gymnastics arena in Tokyo, the greatest gymnast of all time “got lost” in the air and flubbed a vault routine at the Olympics. This happens; no big deal. All great athletes “get the twisties” sometimes. But instead of shaking it off and going for the five gold medals she was expected to win easily, Simone Biles quit mid-competition, refusing even to do her second vault.

The pixels were barely dry on her newly created goat-themed Twitter emoji, but Biles already understood that there would be more glory in quitting than in competing fairly and not winning. She was right—the press showered her with praise for her brave (weak) choice.

These days, the real gold can only be minted from mediocrity.

During her mental health apology tour, Biles declared that “winning” was not what actually mattered. The new pinnacle of greatness is to quit. Not while you’re ahead, but actually as you step onto the throne. That is the moment you are to turn to the waiting crowd, toss your crown to the ground, stomp it, and declare “this is about me, not you!”

Simone weaseled out of the high-pressure competition and weaseled her way back in at the very end, winning silver on the beam.

She did so much weaseling she had to trade the goat for a stoat.

If only there was a failson British prince Simone could snag! Then her trajectory would be complete.

Go Woke, Get Smote

When did you first know our all-powerful overlords were destined to fail? Doomed to be hoist by their woke petard?

Was it when Mueller the Great and Powerful appeared to testify, and could barely string a sentence together and had never even heard of Fusion GPS, the source of the Holy Dossier and the basis for the entire case he had spent two years working on?

Was it when Biden fell up the stairs of Air Force One, or when you saw the visible IV puncture mark on his hand during his post-riot speech in Kenosha?

Or was it the little things, like when they tried to convince you that a piece of two-ply tissue over your mouth (and your nose, please cover your nose, Sir!) would stave off the billions of aerosolized bat AIDS particles swirling through the air?

Or was it when you watched a 98-pound Antifa writhing in pain on the ground begging someone to call the cops after getting a Proud Boot to the stomach?

Or was it after seeing yet another TikTok video of a pudgy, sad sack wokosexual bragging about their “neurodivergence”?

Or was it when you saw medical experts calling the wanton surgical amputations that render young healthy women unable to bear or nourish infants “affirming”?

Or was it when the scientists telling you how to keep yourself safe from Covid don’t know how many genders there are?

Who are the weak ones again?

I keep forgetting.

Go Woke, Get Broke

The “celebrate your inner weakness” movement has gotten so out of control that some low-IQ types on the Left are even getting vindictive when actual powerful people fail to give a sh*t. In Texas, a bunch of “runaway” Democrats fled the state hoping to stop a vote, but instead got roundly ridiculed for it. In response, instead of embracing their epic failure, they plan to sue Texas Governor Abbott “for ‘damaging their reputations’ and causing them ‘anxiety, discomfort, and distress’ for threatening to arrest them upon their return.” My sides!

By shunning mental toughness and elevating “trauma” into a fashionable disability, they have given us an opportunity we can exploit.

When the enemy rolls over and shows us their hairless bellies, even if it’s just to each other, we can learn much.

Our impossibly powerful leaders, in control of our hearts and minds, merciless in their decrees, ruthless in their purge of conservatives—gaze upon their stumbles, and be glad!

Even AOC is on TV now, crying about how she has PTSD from the boomers in MAGA hats who were wandering around the sacred halls of power.

These people really do have mental health issues: they are emotional cripples. We have found the weak spot in the alien’s carapace: their inability to handle personal adversity.

The Regime is fake; the world can see it now. It is propped up by handlers and fluffers and fawning press, dosed with mood enhancers and Adderall and uppers to keep up appearances. It cannot continue.

This, in the end, is the silver lining of the Afghanistan debacle. The hard truth has finally emerged, full grown and ugly, for all to see. If it is any tiny consolation to the families of the brave warriors we lost, and those who came home alive but irreparably damaged: their sacrifice exposed the carefully concealed rot at the top.

Good things will come of this eventually; I consider it a priceless gift. Now it’s up to us to complete their mission: to rescue America, only this time from itself.

So pile on the pressure. Let there be no let up to the heat. Show them no mercy, not yet anyway.

Stand up to your local tyrannical overlords who hold the reigns of power and try to bend you to their will with petty decrees:

Thou Shalt Forever Mask!

Thou Shalt Accept Nude Men in Your Wife’s Spa!

Thou Shalt Put Pronouns in Bio!

No, we shalt not!

Take heart! Woke power is paper thin. Splash a bit of water on it and watch it melt into beautiful nothingness.

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