Post
08.26.2020

Life, liberty, and spine.

This is part two of Peachy Keenan’s nightly RNC coverage. Read part one here.—Eds.

Liberal Extinction Event

On Monday night, the local white supremacists were so fired up by Night 1 of the RNC that they tore down a {checks notes} dinosaur statue in front of the Kenosha Paleontology Museum. Apparently Dilophosaurus was an unrepentant paleocon.

Just kidding! Everyone knows that only Biden voters smash and destroy statues. It’s their main form of exercise these days, although they’ve also taken up car batting practice, brick pitching, and sprinting toward armed civilians.

My RNC Night #2 verdict: After an impressive start, the Republican National Convention kept the streak alive by dropping meteor after meteor on the prehistoric Biden campaign.

In response, Biden voters went full civil war: Boogaloo for Dummies. Recall that the liberal Wisconsin governor refused extra police and federal help this week! As I type this, Democrat terror squads finally ran into some people unwilling to sit and watch as their livelihoods are destroyed.

Against this terrible backdrop, Trump pulled off a two-hour love letter to women, legal immigrants, and the culture of life.

Enter Sandmann

It was the smirk heard ‘round the world, the MOAB of all triggering events. Last night Catholic teenager Nick Sandmann, a newly minted lawsuit multimillionaire, made his triumphant return to the national stage. Poised and calm, he blasted the media’s “campaign of persecution” against him and torched their cancel-culture warriors. “The full war machine of the media revved up, without ever asking me for my side.” His speech included a video of embarrassing clips of adult news professionals mocking him. A tremendous thrill ran up my leg as CNN was forced to broadcast a humiliating clip of their own Donald Lemon.

At the end of his speech, Nick declared “I will not be cancelled,” and defiantly put on the MAGA hat that made him rich. A Zoomer legend is born!

Abby Johnson Bears Witness

Pro-life activist Abby Johnson’s speech was a tactical nuke through the left’s Big Lie about abortion. MSNBC was so terrified of accidentally exposing the truth that they cut to a blank logo screen—for five minutes. You probably know her story. A Planned Parenthood director and one-time Employee of the Year, Johnson finally woke up to the horror around her and now campaigns for the pro-life movement. In her vivid speech she described the events that led to her change of heart. Her boss had ordered her to “double the quota” of abortions she “sold,” because “that’s how we make money.”

But when she assisted a doctor at an ultrasound-guided abortion, she saw for her own eyes the fetus, kicking and alive, struggling to get away from the powerful suction machine. Millions of abortions later and it’s still not common knowledge that living babies are aborted by literally dismembering them inside the womb. (Go watch Unplanned, the movie about her experience.)

Teachers and health care workers and the media cannot let you know these things, because then fewer women might choose abortion. After hearing Kamala “Full-Term” Harris talk about “reproductive justice” last week, it was a joy to hear someone actually speak for the babies. Perhaps real justice, one day, will come for them.

How can Black Lives Matter if No Lives Matter?

Wartime Melania

In her figure-hugging military-inspired suit and trademark Manolo heels, Melania of Arc looked perfect. All she needed was a gun holster at her waist and an AK slung over her shoulder, ready to defend the reinforced Rose Garden from roving bands of mediantifa.

The vitriol and hate hurled at her by the “party of women” over the last four years has been unique in our history, and she was clearly signaling her tough warrior mindset. But her heartfelt speech was touching and feminine.

The reaction to it from the feminist, pro-immigrant Left was tiresome. “Oh, God. She still can’t speak English,” noted polyglot Bette Midler tweeted. “Seriously, F— this bitch,” said America’s sweetheart, Kathy Griffin. “A reminder: when Melania Trump first came to the United States, she violated the terms of her tourist visa by working,” declared far-right immigration hawk Julia Ioffe.

Stay strong, Mrs. Trump.

Evolution of the Right

Another star was born last night, and his name is Daniel Cameron. Forget Nikki Haley—you want to evolve the RNC into the true party of diversity? Make room in national politics for this young black Kentucky Attorney General. He was able to call out Biden’s insane racist comments at the same time as he supported equal justice for all. “Republicans will never turn a blind eye to unjust acts, but neither will we accept an all-out assault on Western civilization.” Did someone say Western civilization? My heart!

Broke: Haley-Scott 2024

Woke: Noem-Cameron 2028

Bespoke: Sandmann-Klacik 2032

Jurassic Punks

Before they started charging at heavily armed business owners in Kenosha, Biden’s base attacked the Kenosha Dinosaur Museum for a second night in a row. At one point, Joe’s bros and Kamala’s comrades even broke into the building and tried to burn it down. Not sending their best, are they?

Liberal officials trying to make their cities cop-free zones sure picked a funny time to do it! Go ahead and keep this up, please. Then watch as Trump’s silenced majority tears down the oldest dinosaur in America: Joe Biden.

is a writer and mother in California. She is a graduate of a formerly impressive, now totally compromised Ivy League university.

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